That word has the power to strike fear in many of my client’s hearts.
When we think of boundaries, we often think of having uncomfortable conversations with people. We think of conflict. We think of discomfort. Boundaries are not sexy.
But what if I were to tell you that boundaries could be the secret ingredient missing in your relationships? And that healthy boundaries could actually transform your relationships into easy, deep, fun and fulfilling ones? What if healthy boundaries could actually bring you happiness?
Having healthy boundaries is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and our relationships. When we don’t have boundaries, we often get stomped on, abused, depleted, or taken advantage of. When we don’t have healthy boundaries, we are essentially telling the world, “Hey! Come take all of my energy! Go ahead and use me! No problem!”
However, it does create problems. Big ones.
When we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, drained, or used, we end up wanting to avoid the person who is taking our energy. We start to resent them. We might even start to hate them, or grow angry with them. When we allow them to take advantage of our energy, we set them up to be objects of our hate.
It isn’t the nicest thing to do to people. When we don’t have boundaries, we set ourselves up to resent other people and we end up radiating anger towards them.
What if instead, you could find a healthy distance between you and another person in a way that enabled you to stay in your loving of them? What if you were able to stay whole, keep your energy and happiness intact, and radiate love to them instead? It would be a whole lot better for the both of you.
In this way, having healthy boundaries protects your relationships. When you have healthy boundaries, you protect people from your own resentment and anger. You actually love them more when you can have boundaries.
Boundaries are the distance you need between you and another person in order to stay in your loving.
If you aren’t in your loving with someone, what do you need to come back to it?
There are times when the only way to stay in your loving with someone is to have no contact. There are other times when you need only loose boundaries with someone because they are good at taking responsibility for themselves instead of trying to drain you.
Boundaries are different with different people.
Is there a place in your life where establishing a boundary would actually help you love someone more?
If you need some help figuring out boundaries and how to implement them, let’s talk.