How to Handle Loneliness

Today I had a client request to talk about how to deal with loneliness. There have been varying times in my life where I have dealt with extreme loneliness. I know it isn’t easy.




When Everything Fails You, Follow the Loving

There are times in life when we all feel a little (or a lot) lost. The loss of a relationship, or job, a loved one, or our health can all leave us feeling disoriented and alone. In times like these, our self-esteem may take a beating. We may feel broken down, disheartened, and unsure which direction to turn.

If you find yourself feeling lost, confused, and unsure which path to take next in your life, it’s ok. There is a very simple answer. Choose the path that is the most loving. Follow the people, places, and experiences that bring the most loving into your life.

When we are in a place ofLet Yourself Be CArried BY love.-2 feeling hurt and in pain, what we need most is to be loved – to be nurtured, cared for, and held by people and places that are safe.

During hard times, turn away from what doesn’t love you and towards that which does. If a friendship is ending, grieve the loss, feel the love, and let yourself be held by the people in your life who are currently able to offer their loving. If a relationship is ending, let the love remain, and turn towards the loving offered by friends, family, mentors, and teachers. If a job is ending, search for the job where you are wanted, appreciated, and valued. If your health is waning, allow yourself to be nurtured and taken care of by those close to you. If you feel all alone with no one to turn to, allow yourself to be loved by you. There is always loving available, even if its your own.

It is natural to grieve loss, we are meant to grieve that which we once had and have no longer. And when it is time to make decisions about what is next, point your energy in the direction of the most loving. Ask yourself, “With whom do I feel the most loved and cared about?” Nurture that relationship and allow yourself to be nurtured by it. “Where do I feel the most safety and love? Where does my heart expand?” Give yourself time there. “What activities bring me the most joy and connect me into my loving?” Participate in those activities.

We don’t have to constantly focus on the loving that we don’t have. We can focus on all the people and places that do love us. Loving is bountiful. It can never be truly taken away or destroyed. And, when faced with one of those times when you feel broken down and alone, orient yourself to the rays of sunshine in your life, and let them love you and warm you up. Let yourself be loved. And remember that no matter what, you are always there to love you, and always will be. You always have yourself. Give yourself the loving, nurturing, and care that your heart longs for. There is always loving available, always.

Life doesn’t have to be full of suffering and pain. Allow in the loving that is all around you and wants to make its way into your heart. You don’t have to do this alone. You have people and places around you longing to love you. You have you, longing to love you. Let it in.

Let yourself be carried by love.

What I Learned from Losing 2 Grandmothers in 3 Days

Grandma Keers

It has been a pretty crazy two weeks over here. Last weekend, both of my grandmothers died. My Grandma Keers slipped into a coma after having a stroke that the doctors had been unable to catch. Her death caught all of us by surprise. Two days later, my mother, sister, and I were at her assisted living center gathering her burial clothes. While there, my other grandma, Nana, collapsed in the dining hall just steps away and died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. These past two weeks have been a little like living in my own dramedy.

We buried my Grandma Keers on Thursday. My two siblings and I felt called to do the eulogy as we had a very deep relationship with her. Our Grandma was a very very special woman. She was a loving, nurturing, deep, wise, intuitive and immensely talented artist. My mother tells me that when I was a baby, my Grandma would sit me in the middle of a large sheet of butcher paper and put paint brushes in my hands. Grandma was the first person to introduce me to art. She truly saw me and loved me in ways no one else could. My Grandma Keers was (and continues to be) one of my true great loves.

Her sudden death impacted me greatly. I felt shocked by how quickly it happened, immensely sad to be losing my grandma, happy she was free of her body, and joyful that she was going to be reunited with her own mother, whom she adored. As I stood at the lectern delivering her eulogy three days ago, I could feel all of these emotions, and other deep feelings happening all in the same moment.

Nana McKillip
Nana McKillip

I felt the absolute grief and sadness of losing the physical presence of one of my soulmates. While trying to speak my part of the eulogy, the little girl inside of me who adored her grandmother broke down into tears and I could feel her just wanting her grandma back. At the very same time, the conscious adult inside of me knew I needed to deliver my speech and convey to the crowd the essence of my beloved grandmother, and then go say thank you to everyone who had shown up in support of us. Some higher part of me knew that Grandma’s death was ok, that is was perfectly timed, and that this is exactly what should have been happening. My spirit felt happy that my grandma was released from the physical density of life here on earth.  All of these feelings happened at the same instant, and indeed, that is how this entire grief process has felt.

I have felt very acutely this week that we are multidimensional beings who experience events on many different levels. Different parts inside of me, my very human parts, have had to wrestle with the loss of a person who adored me completely, and whom I adored in return. Other parts of me, who see the bigger picture and have a different perspective, see the perfection, beauty, and joy of my grandmother’s passing and celebrate it. I can feel the perfection in her passing AND I am sometimes overwhelmed by tears of longing for her presence.

We all are composed of many different parts and we are always experiencing a multitude of emotions and deep feelings on different levels. We are human AND we are spirit. We are sad AND we are happy. We are confused AND we have perfect clarity.

It is ok. It is ok to feel it all. It is ok to be happy, sad, confused, angry, and deeply at peace at the very same time. It is ok to feel grief. It is ok to be everything that you are. Every single one of these parts of us are valuable and worthy. You don’t have to transcend the child part who feels sad and scared and alone, and you don’t have to transcend the part of you that feels loss. You don’t have to live in just the Higher Self, who sees the perfection in all things. You just have to love and embrace all parts of you. We are human and we are Spirit. We understand the perfection of all things, and we grieve when we lose those we love.

With time, love, gentleness, and nurturing the young part of me that is sad to lose her grandma, will heal. As life calms down and I am able to sit in quiet moments, my Spirit and intuition will help the very human aspects understand. Indeed, this is a very natural process. Grief is how we move emotion and wisdom through. The less I judge what comes up inside of me, the quicker it can move through and heal.

We are so divinely human.