I will admit it. The past couple of weeks, I have been a grouchy, irritable monster. Every little thing has set me off, like the volume level of my iphone when it vibrates on the counter, the sound of my boyfriend’s chewing, driver’s who pull out in front of me, mold on the new tortillas I just bought, the rain, the sun, and the overabundance of water in the decaf Americano I ordered at the coffee shop across the street. I haven’t been proud of my actions and have even been a little short with the people around me.
When I used to have irritation-bursts like this, I used to panic. I thought to myself, “What am I doing wrong? Did I not feng shui my house properly? Are my hormones insanely off-kilter? Am I not meditating enough?” When I felt something that seemed different as compared to my usual state of being, I automatically assumed that I had done something wrong or that something was wrong with me.
Our minds are so quick to make what we experience, about us. And most of the time, our minds like to find explanations that somehow involve us having done something wrong. The mind is funny that way. Rarely does the mind think that what we are experiencing is the result of something right that we are doing in our lives. The mind really likes to make us wrong.
In actuality, my two weeks of irritation might have been because an old pattern was clearing out of my energy field, or I was integrating a new level of consciousness. It might have been because a friend of mine was experiencing something distressing, and my energy field was unconsciously helping her work through it. It might have been because my body was detoxing and coming back into balance. My irritation might have been the result of my body doing something right.
The truth is, I have no idea why I was so irritable. None at all. I used to think that being spiritual, and intuitive, meant being able to understand why everything happens. And sometimes, I do get messages about a particular experience. However, what I have realized is that the “why” isn’t always important. Granted, if there are chronic patterns in your life that you can’t seem to shift, understanding why they are there is important so you can move through them. But for things as transient and fickle as moods, trying to understand the “why” can just add more fuel to the fire.
So try this…Next time you find yourself feeling and acting like a scary monster, instead of getting stuck in your head, trying to think your way into understanding what is going on, take a deep breath and let go. Let go of the need to understand it.
You are human and there are myriad energies moving inside of you and through you at any given time. Don’t try to understand them, just let them move.
And of course, my irritable monster mood did shift. I’m back to feeling like “me” in a way that is even deeper than before.
More and more, I am learning I can trust whatever arises.